wandering · the · twisted · path

move on like a sinner's prayer
let 'em go like a levee breaks
walk away as if i don't care
learn to shoulder my mistakes.............................

i see you leanin', you're bound to fall
i don't wanna be that mistake
i'm a dreamer, nothing more
you should know it before it gets too late

cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
you never know where they're gonna land
first you're spinning, then you're standing still
left holding a losin' hand
one day you're gonna find someone
right away you'll know it's true
that all of your seeking is done
it's just a part of the passing through
right there in that moment
you'll finally understand
that i was better as a memory than as your man..............................
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....................................................

we're both dreamers, we knew that at the start
dreaming of what could be
dreaming paths through the future and where they'd wind
did you always hold that extra ace?
while you tugged the bricks free from my walls
letting in a light i'd not seen before
an easy smile led
fearless steps into the unknown
like a lamb to slaughter.
the quick exit, stage right when the wheel stopped
the time the wheel left me holding a losing hand
maybe there will be that day when i find someone
did you hold that thought in the back of your mind
to soothe your soul
when you were just passing through?
that moment when every fiber within exploded
streaking outwards into space
silence for a moment
profound emptiness
emotions, fears, agony
thrown forth with the dying scream in a mind
imploding inwards
crashing back to fill the void
the waves surging to meet the levees in my mind
testing them
breaching the weaknesses
until the silence returned
the surface an uneasy calm
hiding the debris tangled below
did you really believe that someday i would find someone?
do you still believe my seeking will be done?
has the detour to your dreams been fulfilling
or a mere reststop along the way?

did you plan to be a better memory than my man?

february 23 2005, a small gray filly entered the world. that daughter of Unbridled Song and Away may not have looked very special then............. she will always be cherished though.

she grew into a "big girl"....... big like her older relative Winning Colors, one of only three fillies to win the Kentucky Derby. a little more than three years after her birth, she too would take to the starting gate and try to show the boys how to run and win the derby.

Eight Belles ran more than a good race but was beaten by a bit more than 4 lengths.... it wasn't until she crossed the finish line that time stopped...................

most never even saw her stumble, throw her rider and go down amid the cheering for the new champion. they knew moments later that a brave, proud filly had run the race of her life. there was no question of trying to save her, no hope that would exclude severe pain for days or months............... would she not have run knowing this was to be her future. i doubt it. she ran just as she ran on new legs beside her mother in the fields, ran for the joy of running.....

she will continue to run for eternity and in the hearts of horse fans who had the chance to know her...................

We were born to mothers who smoked and drank
Our cribs were covered in lead based paint
No child proof lids, no seat belts in cars
Rode bikes with no helmets and still here we are,
Still here we are.......................................

School always started the same every day
The pledge of allegiance, then someone would pray
Not every kid made the team when they tried
We got disappointed and that was all right
We turned out alright

It was a different life
When we were boys and girls
Not just a different time
It was a different world..................................
.......................................

maybe i am getting old and tired, maybe it is just that point in everyone's life where you take a step back and look back and reflect. i do wonder how we ever survived those distant days in childhood without all the "help" there is today.

survive....... yes we did that but it didn't seem as though we were doing that back then. i remember that television was considered a "treat" for us, spending all our free time outside with our friends was a daily pattern. stickball, kickball, tetherball at the playground and all the metal monkey bars next to the really cool merry-go-round that the big kids would push real fast ( at least until they could get some of us to fly off of it ). all those have gone the way of the dinosaur it seems.... they are far too dangerous for children these days. heh, we just fell off, got hit, learned to dodge better and wipe our pride off on our sleeves... and yes, there were plenty of times when it was downright funny until someone got hurt..... then we almost died laughing.

things seem to have changed long before 9/11.... somewhere along the line we began trying to protect our children from the lessons we learned so long ago. everything has to have a warning label, we try our hardest to make sure that every child wins, is accepted, never has to face disappointment and that they all have high self esteem. it almost seems that while we have been busy trying to make everything acceptable to everyone, busy letting everyone win at anything they pursue.................... we've lost the simple joy we felt when we were young.

the thrill of achievement when we finally did make the team.......values that were taught both in school and in our homes... belief that we were living in the greatest nation in the world.... pride in ourselves for a job well done.

how did we ever get from those wild days between grade school and our 30's? why is it still a time that makes me smile and giggle?

is it really as simple as it being a different world, not just a distant time?

a world where nobody worried about asbestos, red dye # 5, mercury poisoning from chasing a drop around the tabletop in chemistry class with a pencil...... a world where we had string ties on our hoods, chains on our swingsets, coaster brakes on our bikes and we actually did have to walk to a bus stop........

it wasn't all that long ago but it seems to be such a different world..............

.............
on these hands and knees i'm crawlin'
oh, i reach for you
well i'm terrified of these four walls
these iron bars can't hold my soul in
all i need is you
come please i'm callin'
and all i scream for you
hurry i'm fallin', i'm fallin'

show me what it's like
to be the last one standing
and teach me wrong from right
and i'll show you what i can be
and say it for me
say it to me
and i'll leave this life behind me
say it if it's worth saving me.

............................
............................

i reach for you
need you..
cling to the edge
terrified at moments,
creeping higher as i pass the terror.
the steel and leather hold fast
closing in
my soul slipping through
riding the crest of pleasure from pain.
body writhing
mind reaching desperately
finding the familiar touch of you
and i scream......
for you.

soothe me,
teach me.....
show me wrong from right.
drive the lesson home
the bite searing deeply
blistering through the body to the mind
teach me what i crave.
circling above
beyond the screams
let me be the last one standing
no longer falling.

let me show you what i can be
let me be what you see within
touched sharply with leather
drawn out by the sting of wood.....

let me show you what i can be
whisper the word......
if it's worth saving me.

it seemed like an uphill battle
you guys had each other and that meant so much.
through the tough times
and they were some very tough times.
loving the great times
and i'm glad i shared some of them.
some may have overlooked you
quietly carrying on.
i didn't
nor did others.

angels will hear your laugh now
enjoy your smile
me.....
i'll just miss the heck out of you
and be left to remember.

you were a friend anyone would love to have,

someone called you back far too soon neil.

......... twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go i wanna be sedated
nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh i wanna be sedated
just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
hurry hurry hurry before i go loco
i can't control my fingers i can't control my toes
oh no oh oh oh oh..................

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whatever has happened to the music the defined generations? those songs that you can hear once more and immediately be dragged back to a time in your past. the music of the fifties is still so recognizable today........ the cars, the dress, how cool it was to be different than middle america and they were so easy to sing and dance with. i remember them, they always bring back memories of my parents, older relatives who had the huge car.. the leather jacket and a certain air to them even with us kids running around the lawn.
the sixties....... such a mix of music in our home. country, real country, not what is so popular on the radios today. yyaa they had a certain twang to them but they were always around when we visited the "country cousins" with their farms, cows gently mooing to the radio tied in the barn with baling twine and sadly, being forced to watch "hee haw" with them. folk seemed to be where many of the words of protest lay back then. we used to head out to newport all piled in the car, too young to figure out the significance of the concerts..... heh, it was a picnic with music. any place nearby that had joan playing was bound to bring bob and vice versa and even though the tunes were easy on the ears, many times the messages sung weren't. even today those songs bring back the carefree days when i was too young to really care about major issues.
it wasn't till many years later that we found out that we "almost were at woodstock" .... now there is a nightmare to consider. they had enough trouble keeping track of us for two weeks at the beach, i know one of us would have been lost there and not in a drug filled haze..... just lost in the crowd. one smarter brain prevailed i guess and the car was turned around long before it ever hit the miles of hiking to get in the gate.
the seventies brought those years when i was growing.... moving away from the image my parents sought for me, trying to find my own self. i never had been a beatles fan... i leaned heavily towards the "hard rock." the who, zeppelin, rolling stones.... heck, my first concert was foghat and i was hooked for sure then. i didn't paint myself in a corner though, there was a love of classical music, maybe brought further forth by that first few minutes sitting in the theater, watching a huge spaceship soar down from the screen after waiting hours to get into "star wars."
the allman brothers and others like them with their southern fried rock found a home with me too..... it just was cool music for the summer months. i still remember the car of us sneaking down to nyc to watch billy joel when he was still small enough to play "clubs" there. i was underaged but they usually never gave us any trouble getting in. those summer months when getting tickets to a triple bill that had the doobies heading it was a great thing, stepping in the puke on the floors there, wasn't.
i guess i can say that certain songs just define times in my life............ american pie always suckers me into singing it..... all the verses and i have to laugh remembering those parties when a bunch of us would try to sing along with a drunk guitarist and not skip any verses.
stairway to heaven always drags me back.............. it was always the last song at the school dance. it was a small town and the dances were about the only thing going on......... better still, it was the one place that we could be, without parents around and we could act like the young couple we were trying to discover. those years when we thought we would be together forever, no concrete plans for a future, we just were and knew we'd find out along the way. that song was the last chance to hold each other close, heat and dampness shared... clinging to the last minutes before we would have to keep a "cool" distance in the eyes of our friends. it was a brief touch of the deep love that many can find and we didn't want it to leave when the lights came back up.
there were still songs that bring back days and times in the eighties... a touch of rebel punk, "men at work" and that dreaded album my now ex would always play as soon as his buddies came through the door. i am sooooo glad that left with him, i just have to figure out how to get the cringe factor out anytime i still am unlucky enough to hear it. the memory of those precious tickets to the stones "farewell tour" and how they lost big $$$ when they thought they could scalp the rest to pay for ours. ( how many farewell tours have they had now? ) those weekends when i made 20 hour round trips south with the music blaring out of the mustang and praying i didn't get a speeding ticket.
maybe i am getting too old but that doesn't keep me from listening to new artists, new music... in search of something to define this part of my life. i am going to make sure that i don't have it be a "cover version" like so many bands seem to be shortcutting and putting out. covers don't work any better than remaking a classic horror film......

...... i don't wanna ride on the shotgun side
don't wanna be a quaint observer on this supersonic ride
double down, split the aces, to the races
i feel lucky tonight

i wanna see just how lucky, lucky can be
ride with my angel, how i love being free
drive to the edge and into the sea
i wanna see how lucky, lucky can be

ride, ride with me.....................

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.......................................................

a soft kiss to the lips
the tight embrace
a flutter deep within the chest
a tremble in the mind.
masked within one
anticipated...
feared, craved by another,
the tender pain still to come.
exploring with his eyes
his fingers
knowing the dampness spreads
teasing the pain slowly higher.
racing, pausing..
drawing each moment out to it's fullest.
reveling in the dark pleasures
tasting the tears.
the ride twisting, turning
pushing, coasting
each taking
each giving
i need to drive to the edge and into the sea
follow the signposts he has left for me

i know just how lucky i can be

under your spell again
i can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
i can't say no to you

shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly
now i can't let go of this dream
i can't breathe but i feel

good enough
i feel good enough for you............

......... so take care what you ask of me
cause i can't say no

...................................................
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a path, the journey
at times so clear...
bending to block the view,
new choices springing forth.
the craving growing deeper
the dreams soaring further......
flesh bound tightly,
bleeding sweetly beneath your hands.
dark dreams
erotic,twisted dreams...
dance to life,
on a living landscape.
pleasing tears
cleansing tears....
the struggle to move forward,
a struggle that will end in agreement eventually.
the torture sweet
lighting the nerves afire....
your pleasure betrayed by your smile,
the smile i crave.
trust enables the dance
trust that you will take care each time you ask
trusting that i can't say no to you,
not forever.

there are days when i just need to be able to stare at the news and laugh........ at how strange somethings seem to be. strange as in.......

Mexico is now importing chihuahuas from the US? of course they explained that most of that breed still are bred in Mexico but wait.............. they import burros from Kentucky, US companies now hold the patents on most of the popular poinsetta plants ( cripes, they patent those things now, i have to make a note of that ) and chocolate, brought to Europe from the Aztec Indians is now............ foriegn produced by companies such as Mars, Hershey and Nestle. almost as shocking......... one third of the hot peppers there come from Asia. all of this sort of shatters the image i had of what Mexico is ... if i go there and want that "special tourist picture on a burro", it may indeed be an import. the next time i wander through the store and mumble something about all the non US made products i find in there, i'll just remember that............. boston terriors are still bred here and not imported.

it was certainly a bonus day the other day.......... the local news had a brief note about a gentleman who obviously had missed the mark on proper auto theft......... it is a poor working plan to steal a jeep from a dealership and then return a month later to that same dealership and try to trade that vehicle in for a larger one. at least he was returning it before the dealership temp plate expired.


animal control in Long Island, NY captured an alligator out sunbathing beside a small pond there in the recent warm weather......... i know, it probably got tired of living in the sewers beneath NYC and wanted a brief vacation which is now spoiled........... it was the statement from the "trained" SPCA officer that had me........ he said the animal had probably been raised in captivity and would be unable to fend for itself in the wild. really? the wilds of long island where it would most surely freeze into a solid block of alligator meat sometime after the month of november in a standard winter... unless his statement means that alligators in the wild do in fact know how to take the metro into the city to reach the warmer waters of the winter sewers.

ok, i admit it, they got me with the heading on this one "naked man splashes in the trevi fountain".... i'm a sucker for naked pics sometimes but then they really had me.... the story went on to describe "roberta" ( someone fell alseep when they edited that copy ) and dammit..... there were no pics like there had been all over the italian papers! that just isn't fair.... it's as bad as those pop ups that promise free nude pics ( if you give them, i don't know...... $$$$$$$ )

lastly........... have i not paid enough attention to the ESPN broadcasts? a 64 year old man in NH has won the state title for "rock, paper, scissors". not only does he now get to go to vegas to compete for $50, 000 and the national league title... but yyaaaa it will be broadcast on ESPN. i'm hanging up my curling broom and switching sports... why focus on olympic glory and a possible cereal box ad when i could be going to vegas for big money!

Wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be uneased
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side

Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall.........

..........................................................
...........................................................

two who give all that is within...
not at the start but slowly,
steadily...
moving forward......
slipping deeper,
a seductive dance.......
the steps small,
closer still.......
each embracing the other tighter...........
reflections,
complimenting the other.
the needs of each filled by the other...
no matter the depth,
nor the darkness involved.
a quest akin to the grail at times.......
each dance unique,
filled with hope....
seeking the fluid grace imagined..
stepping beyond the grip of fear..
to what can be.
standing atop that peak........
trusting in each other,
everything within laid bare......
knowing each will be in their place,
when that step is taken...
fear set aside within the intensity,
a bond forged in steel.....
soothed with cool leather,
trusting in what will be.

......................................................
......................................................

.........................
.........Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you, I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'till kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.............

........................

'till kingdom come / coldplay

...............................

...............................

say you'll come and set me free
free from the bonds holding me
be my savior
and i'll be your downfall

sometimes, there are points during the day, when there isn't much to do but toss slightly off kilter ideas within my head...........
such as......
whatever is so important that you not only have to answer a cell phone in the public bathroom but carry on a seemly unimportant conversation where everyone else can hear. i can understand if you are actually an emergency room doctor, taking a much needed two minute break and the victems from a multi bus accident are pouring in through the front door...................
what if there are human victems from the latest pet food crisis... will we ever find that out in the news and will it convince me finally that chunky canned dog food is not a great budget stretcher when used in stew..............
does a mushroom understand how sensual a brush can be or does it just sit in the palm of your hand and enjoy the feelings, blind to the impending less than enjoyable future it faces.........................
will men ever actually realize that taking a leak on the tires of their vehicle on the side of the road only makes that much more work for them on the weekend when they decide to detail their car, ( although they make great sport for my honking and waving as i drive by them).................
does a pollywog suffer from leg envy or do the other frogs explain the miracle of legs and tail loss to them and assist them in facing the possible trauma that will arise...............................
how is it that the song "you can leave your hat on" is still so wickedly erotic to me after all this time...............
with all the advances in tourism, electronics, computers and high tech theme parks...... how does "south of the border" still draw people like a magnet and lead them to slap a bumper sticker on their car as if it were a badge of honor...........................
why do people still argue about the toilet seat and toilet paper after all these years........ if you can't check to see if it is where you need the seat, you deserve to have a soaked ass and paper... heh, it only has to spin and dispense for it to do the job for me. doesn't seem that difficult and certainly not worth hours of debate................................
how does one maintain the excitement of cheering on your favorite team in a cricket match.... over 5 days. cripes, i would have lost my voice after 1 day... what wave a banner for the other 4 and how do i handle the impact of losing count somewhere around 1,486 runs scored...........................
and lastly.... downgrade pluto to non planet status..... that just isn't right. i know it is small, frozen, has no real tourist appeal but heh, it falls in the same category as renaming the brontosaurus. scientists are picking on things that have no one to stick up for them.. they are bullies almost and it goes against all we grew up with in school.... leave them be and just add an asterisk like they do on the year end stat records...........................
ok, maybe i have too much free time or free space within my brain........

the first thunderstorm of the new year..... not the powerful explosion that comes with the summer heat but it awakens the soul.
a faint flash in the night sky...... a low rumble that could just as easily be mistaken for a passing truck...... a flash again, flickering a bit brighter and it draws me to a window. draws me like a moth to a flame, waiting expectedly for another flash and the rumble that will confirm my wish........ it has been a love affair since childhood, one i never tried to explain or understand fully..... a brief moving patch of home i enjoy without question.
another flash, low on the horizon, almost hiding below the treeline.... the towering clouds, a silhouette against the pitch black night sky. the rumble is louder now as the clouds climb higher, drift closer........ the next flash illuminates them from the front as though a spotlight were suddenly thrown against them and then snuffed out.
i stand there, outdoors waiting, staring in the direction of those clouds... hoping to catch the moment when the pent up electricity breaks out and races across the face of the clouds... jumping to the next tower of them........... hoping that they will escape downwards in a jagged bolt, hellbent to dive towards whatever target it can find beneath it.
i know it won't have that blast of wind that sweeps forward, driving the dirt into swirls and pushing it madly away before it...........making the trees bow to the power that is to come. i stand outside though, watching it move closer...... the flashes of lightning brighter now, leaving my shadow briefly on the ground before me..... the thunder following closely behind it as they prove the scientists correct........ light and sound don't travel at the same speed but as they grow closer in their timing, i know the peak of the show is coming.
i stand within the barest of safety... safe from the rain that will dump violently, drenching...... washing the fearful deep inside to safety........... signaling only the main act for me. it will be overhead, light clashing from various points... the occasional blinding flash followed immediately by a blast of thunder that pounds it's way through my skin, invading my chest and skull....... striking fear and calm in the same instant. only age and sanity keep me from stepping out further into it, trying to capture more of the power and fury exploding from above.
they always have touched me this way....... waking me from my sleep to live the moments of it's violence and then send me into a calm, deep sleep.... drawing me, scaring me..... filling me with a joy, deep awe.... setting me free. it's been a love affair for years, one that will continue, unbroken.... each of us existing within this bond only in the moments we share.........

...........
tool / 10,000 days pt 2

....................

your voice breathed in my ear
or on the telephone
all the tender things we've whispered
to keep from feeling alone
may they never come to be
just cold gems set in memory
of someone i used to love

.........................................

.........................................

you once told me you received so little encouragement or support.....
was it so difficult to accept my hand in friendship at face value?
was it too deep a habit, to look the other way and say the past is past? 
was it really that easy to turn your back?
it will always be there,
available
no strings attached.
it's just who i am...
no shadow will ever fall
to darken and blanket history....
or make me call
you someone i used to love.
it is..
just who i am.

some days, i have to wonder....... why?

why would you even be interested in researching how probable it is to "farm raise" haggis.... just because some say it is a delicacy, doesn't make it right.....the same goes for eating snails, bird nests, various bugs and some things that should only be seen eaten on fear factor or survivor.

just now they are figuring out in research that.... uummmm heels on some shoes cause injuries. i'd call that "thinning the herd" in the same category as those who couldn't handle the neat jungle gyms and merry go rounds on the playgrounds long ago.... lawn jarts, plastic bags and toys that shot projectiles. heck, we invented our own "toys" that were a lot more dangerous at times.

why is it that so many seem to not be able to survive without a bottle of water in their hand or a cell phone in their ear...... is it because the constant phone chatter dehydrates a person?

why does it seem that almost any car with children in it has to have a movie playing as well..... what happened to the simple challenge of trying to stay within the lines while coloring, crammed in the backseat of the car on a family road trip?

why do frogs have smooth, slimey skin and toads don't..... and why does kissing a frog bring about the chance of finding a prince ( a slimey one? ) and not a toad.. or would that result in finding too many of those men who suddenly think you are the most beautiful woman in the bar at 1:30 am?

why is banana boat a popular sun tanning product but bringing a banana on a boat is very bad luck?

who invented that brush along side of the toilet and why? that damn thing hurts!

why is it such a difficult decision to pick between an amateur and an expert for the job? heh, experts built the titanic and an amateur built the ark.

why do they tell you to "break a leg" before you go on stage for good luck when it obviously wasn't good luck for john wilkes booth to break his that day at the theater? do you think there also had to be one reporter that day who said "besides all that mrs. lincoln, how was the play?"

why did i think a rutabaga could actually make a good gift? i know, they look a lot like a turnip and the taste..... well it is in the same ballpark there too. they are so hard to find in the stores, i thought.... heck, it's almost rare and everyone would be happy to have one. i was wrong......... no one really wants them and they are lousy if you want to try and use them as a "mr. potatohead" ( stick to potatos there )

...... all of my strength all of my desire
still cannot melt this breath of fire
i go to meet some kind of test
bury the truth that scars my chest
and the angels are calling and calling

i must go away
wait for me here
silently stay
and don't ask me why
only believe
this is not goodbye.........

...............................................

i lacked the courage, the strength you had... i silently stayed but too far away. i prayed for the best, kept the faith.... thought i was doing what was best.
i tried to stay safe when i should have made sure you were safe........
it has been too many years, too many silent tears and i still wonder why you were chosen for that test...... why the chips were stacked against you, why so many will never know what you had to offer.
why you and not me.........

.........................................

so i'll come by and see you again
i'll be such a very good friend
have mercy on my soul
i will never let you know
where my mind has been

angels never came down
there's no one here they want to hang around
but if they knew
if they knew you at all
then one by one the angels
the angels would fall...........

.................

if they knew you at all heather,
the angels would fall......
and i am sure that they have.

i met an online friend finally for the first time this past weekend. i was nervous, had butterflies in my stomach and i was excited as well. we started out planning to meet at a restaurant and we ended up standing in the parking lots of two different ones.... he in the one that was closed, i was in the new one. a few phone calls later and we finally did meet... i got to hug the big bear of a man i had chatted with for so long.
wait, did i say hug....? that is one of the nicest things i have learned...... a handshake can be respectful and distancing, so safe for me in the past but a hug, that comes so easily and naturally now. it was as if we had met a hundred times before and the butterflies disappeared. i am much more able now to not let protocol and roles worry me, i trust myself enough to find what is correct without struggling over it.
we didn't have any plans other than to enjoy dinner and where the conversation wandered to..... that was exactly what happened ( ok, not exactly, we both ordered breakfast ) we shared stories, laughed at memories and learned more about each other in those hours than we had known before. later, he did share with me some of his creations, his techniques in using them and he laughed when he noticed i was a bit intimidated by a few of them..... hell, a couple scared the crap out of me!
all too soon though, the hours had raced past us... we had been enjoying our time too much to even notice how late it was. before we parted though, he slipped me a small gift...... oh yes, little but definately dangerous. i never expected it and frankly, i was both honored and touched deeply by that gesture.
i am glad that we finally did meet, he is no longer just a voice on the phone or letters on a screen. he is even more of a friend now, all 5' 21" of him... i've seen that sweet smile and i do know what evil lurks behind it... playfully waiting to toy with those willing and able.

tryin' on a brand new dress
but you haven't worn the old one yet
you've come too far
to turn around now

you've given up the good fight
you're as strong as anyone
you're back where you started from
i see you're back where you started from

starin' down the stars
jealous of the moon
you wish you could fly
just being where you are
there's nothin' you can do
if you're too scared to try........

................................................

................................................

i have come too far to turn around now, i don't want to even attempt that. it may seem as though i am back where i started from but i know that isn't true....... i walked into a brilliance i hadn't known could exist, a light that found my soul..... circled above briefly until the earth crashed beneath my feet.
i am further along the path,
not standing in the same footprints.....
i crave it, fear it
so much deeper now.......
once more i'll share that silvered smile with the moon,
no resolutions, i only vow to not be too scared to try again.